Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 ★

    "Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2" is not only a dismal film that will bombard you with countless scenes of stupidity and send you reeling to the exits in a disheartened state of regret, but it is a comedy that adopts the personality of its main protagonist. Much like how the static persona of Blart is oblivious to his embarrassing and absurd tactics, which would never actually succeed in their aims, this picture is quite incognizant of the fact that it simply isn't funny.

    Although it is true that the designation of a comedy picture as amusing, hilarious, or any synonym of the like could be deemed a highly subjective process, there is still a nagging question to be asked here: Why would anyone find this material to be entertaining? I mean, who desires to watch a middle-aged man, in poor physical shape, tumble across the floor as if he was a small child engaging in a scene of adolescent imagination?

    The only logical basis for this unwarranted yearning would be the fact that our hero is quite overweight, and this apparently contributes to his comical allure. (Even the name "Blart" signifies lethargic behavior and obesity.) As far as who actually finds this subject matter to their liking is concerned, I'm sure it consists of very young children and individuals who would never understand the Joseph Conrad reference that our protagonist ultimately butchers.

    In a storyline eerily similar to that of the original, "Mall Cop 2" once again places our main character in an "against all odds" type scenario, and this lends the opportunity for a theme of human dignity and the struggle to rectify one's life and reputation. After several unfortunate events place a strain on Paul's life, he receives an invitation to a mall security convention in Las Vegas. (Although this setting has become renown for its visual impact, it lasts all but about two minutes; unless, of course, you find the inner dwellings of a hotel to be as grand as the Vegas strip.)

    A conflict consisting of high-tech art thieves is never fully developed and throw in the complications with Blart's teenage daughter, Maya, who is finding her way into womanhood, and you pretty much have the gist of a film that not only should never have been produced, but it makes the genre of comedy appear to be on its last legs. The dialogue, although eccentric, never fits the mold as funny, and the film's reliance on physical and situational humor is undoubtedly pathetic, although I assume that was its purpose. There is the classic hypoglycemic tumble, a plethora of scenes where Blart strains his face for comedic effect (to no avail), and several tactics that allude to the skills of "MacGyver," yet none of these instances evoke actual laughter; and, for the most part, this would summarize the historical efforts of Happy Madison productions.

    What this all basically comes down to is an issue of consumerism with regard to the movie theater chains. If they are going to show a picture of this magnitude, then it becomes perfectly reasonable to uplift the Prohibition-esque banning of alcohol. In fact, one should not be opposed to the idea of a free drink with the purchase of a ticket. I'm not saying that a shot of whiskey and a good brew will magically induce a feeling of amusement when it comes to films such as "Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2," but it couldn't hurt.